| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|05:05 pm] |
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I'm really becoming a fan of arranged marriges. |
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| la sigh |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|02:48 pm] |
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So i have to be at work on saturday at noon. I don't know if the job I'm supposed to run is going to be here or not, I really won't know till I get here. The manager is having one of the Polish ladies come in to catch the stock as it comes off the printer, which is pretty much the only thing there is to do. This means that I get to sit here for 6-7 hours and "supervise" the loading of paper into an office printer. Acctualy I've got to be here in case something goes wrong, because it takes, but I feel bad because she has to come into do a job I could do myself. I'm really hoping that she wants the money, otherwise I met see if she rather take off... look for me on-line, because thats were I'll be spending most of saturday afternoon :( |
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| A lovey week |
[Dec. 13th, 2004|08:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Johnny Cash- Hurt | ] |
This is turning out to be a very shitty week. I had that whole thing with taking my mother to the ER over the weekend and the few joys that came out of that. *he says with dripping sarcasam* Today at work it was just one screw up after another. Its alot fun when every thing FUBARs, I whole heartedly recomend it. *see last statement* Then to top off the evening I find out when I get home that my uncle who has been battling cancer for the last year, and losing, was admited the hospital today and is foregoing anymore treatments. He has "put it in god's hands" as he says. I love the man and I can only admire the amount of faith he has, despite being a deist myself.
I think I will end off with the lyrics from one of Johnny Cash's last songs, Hurt
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way |
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| Helpless |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Johnny Cash-Hurt | ] |
there are few things in life that will make you feel as helpless as watching your mother cry in pain as she lies in a hospital bed.
Late this morning my mom asks me to get dressed because she might need a ride. This raises a warning flag right away, considering she hates my driving. While she is in the bathroom I answer the phone, which turns out to be the doctor's office. They said since she is in so much pain that she should go to the emergency room. Remember that flag that went up a moment ago? On the way there she tells me that she thinks she is having another kidney stone. For those of you who haven't had the joy of passing one of those, or of seeing someone go through it, IT HURTS!!! I figure everything is good, and that this is no big deal, after all she has had them before. Until I start hearing things like "on a scale of 1-10 how bad is the pain?" "10!!" and "Kidney stones don't cause that kind of pain..." Oh yeah, her room at the ER had one of those pluse measuring things you wear on your fingure.... her's was broke, it kept flat lining every five minutes. I'm not sure I can describe how it feels to see your mother drifting off into a morphine induced slumber then see her moniter flat line and start the anoying beep sound you hear on the TV shows all the time. At least she had the decency to tell me to shut it up before my brian totaly caught up with what I saw. I have to say that my opinion of the general staff there is kind of low, they didn't bother to check on the alarm at all untill one the orderlys who was checking stock saw it go off. On an interesting side note, he happen to be a guy I went to high school with, funny I always thought he would end up the struggling artist type... So I eneded up sitting in the ER with my mom for 5 hours thinking that I once thought the US Post Office had a shit load of paperwork. It took almost a half hour for them to get my mom any thing for the pain, and she was crying out from how bad it was teh whole time. All I can say is if you have to go to the ER try an ambulence first, they drug first and ask questions later... The good news is that the stone passed while she was drugged up, I guess she will do anything to get out of work, and now she is cruled up on the couch with the blanket sleeping. The moral of the story? Few things in life suck like looking down at your mom and thinking she just died.
p.s. Sorry this is a slightly depressing entry, despite the semi happy ending. I tried to lighten it up with a few inapporprite jokes here and there, but I'm sure you'll forgive me since I've had a LONG day.
Night |
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| busy weekend |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|10:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Friday my cousin, her husband, and their to kids came down from WI to visit and see th local scarcrow fest. Saturday I had a blind "date", with a nice girl. We ended up watching some movies and I helped her do dishes. Sunday I said bye to the cous and her kids, then got ready for a 2nd blind "date". I took her to TGIF for some dinner, and we had a good time. I was more at ease with the 2nd girl, and we seem to have quite a few things in common. Plus she has the same sense of humor that I do, that right there makes me want to see her again, lol.
Thats all for now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|09:49 pm] |
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Lets see where should I start, how about with my family. My cousin and her kids are coming down for scarcrow fest this week end, I'm really looking forward to that. I know I'm odd, I like to spend time with my family but hey I'm Irish. On the home front, everything is quite for now, and that is what we're all hoping it will stay as. Work is boring as usual but no danger of getting canned so thats a plus I guess. Social life is a bit more active then years past, I have actually gotten to the point where I am confusing the girls that I'm dealing with. I have to say that is an interesting stage, if potentialy dangrous ;) Other then that not much going on, over and out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|08:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
I'm sick. I want sympathay.
Going to wallow in misery now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2004|08:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Maroon 5 | ] |
very very sick,
I even had to ditch work and cancel plans, DAMN YOU VIRUS!!
I'm going to go wollow in misery now. |
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| Word for the Day |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|09:24 pm] |
Deism: a movement or system of thought advocating natural religion, emphasizing morality, and in the 18th century denying the interference of the Creator with the laws of the universe.
Or simply put, god said "fuck you, and good night" then left.
I finally found that which I believe. More precisely, I have found the name. |
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| What did I say |
[Sep. 2nd, 2004|06:05 pm] |
hmm... ok so I guess it was something I said. I had that talk last with her last night, and things did not go according to plan. I thought I was getting my point across and that it was being well recieved. I was wrong. When I had finshed and asked her what she wanted thought her response was not what I had expected. Some how I had given her the impression that I thought she was easy. I spent the next hour trying to clarify my posistion with little success. I don't think it was completely my fault, but I may have said exactly the wrong thing without realizing it. I would like to think I'm not capable of being that calus. I guess we were ment to be a couple. It was a fairly nice boast to the ego for those couple days, and perhaps this will teach me to keep my mouth shut.
oh well... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2004|09:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  jubilant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Old Blue Eyes | ] |
One of my coworkers took the week off, but before leaving he said I could do some of his work if I could figure it out. I like him, but he is kind of a dick sometimes. Just to prove a point with him I rewrote one of his projects and did it alot better then he did. I can't wait to see his reaction when he comes back.
And in recent news from the war front, I am starting to become a little concerend about things. I always hear that intense relationships don't last very long. We started off pretty mundan just talking until the we hours of the morning, but the 2nd time we met it was a fairly passionate encounter. I think we said all 20 words to each other for the first 3 hours. Not that I'm complaining mind you, but it was pretty much the same way last night. While thats fun and all I don't really want that to be all we do. I'm going to have to talk with her and figure out how to slow things down, I don't want to screw things up by allowing events to happen to fast. We shall see how that goes tomorrow. |
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| Weekend Update |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|01:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Longest Time | ] |
I went to my buddy's wedding saturday. As far as weddings go this one was pretty typical. We all had a good time, and every one agrees that those two make a great couple. I myself did the typical thing and hung out at the table talking to a couple I had been seated with. All in all a pretty good time. I did leave the reception early though, I tried out a new drink at a bar right before the reception and the thing just made me so sick to my stomach. I did meet some one while I was there though, we got together after the recpetion and after I got my stomach settled, and we ended up back at her place talking. We ended up talking until 5 o'clock in the morning. The next day I called her up and asked if she wanted to get to get together. Once again we ended up at her place, but this time we called it a night around 2 am. We both had to work early the next day. It was a very enjoyable time. We acted like a couple of teenagers for most the time. Very fun.
Alright enough of that, I will stop bragging about my happiness.
May you all find your own fun ;) |
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| Why did I expecte differnt? |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
I went back and forth on whether I should get involed with her or not. She let me know that she was up for some fun, and that she knew nothing serious would come of it. My friend kept telling me to lighten up and enjoy myself as long as we both understood this was going to be casual. I never really wanted to be the kind of guy that fooled around like that. Its really hard to maintain that stance when no one seems to agree with you. As seems to be the case with most things, I do as others want. I tell her that as long as anything we do will not hurt our friendship then I see no problem with adding some benifits. (a lie, I know.) She was delighted at first and kept telling me that we would go as slowly as I needed. Yes I know the this is something the guy should say, but considering how scared I am of anything dealing with physical intimacy this was a very considerate offer. So I took off early from work to get things ready, I pushed my mother into going to Iowa so we could have the house to ourselves. I know what your thinking, that doesn't sound like someone scared of a physical relation. The decision was made, and I planned to see it through. To risk damaging of the image you have of me so far, I will tell you this, my visions of this evening revoled around sitting on the couch watching some movie of her choosing while holding hands. I was raised a gentleman and for ever shall I remain one, but that should not stop me from seeing to it that she enjoyed the evening also. Everything was set, all was happening according to design. This is of course the point in which the one known as Murphy decides to remind me of his ire towards me. A mere hour and a half before we were to meet, my lady calls me and shares her revalation. She doesn't want to be free spirited anymore, she wishes to head the call of her biological clock. That she doesn't wish to get tangled up in anything complicated, and of course the mandatory statment that she hopes our friendship will not be affected. I had agreed to her request to try out a causual dating relationship, and not even two hours before our first "date" she basically breaks up with me. What the hell is wrong with me? The few female friends I have all say I am great guy, which I'm starting to think is some sort of subtle curse, and that I shouldn't be having any problems finding dates. Let me tell you in brief my short experince with the fairer sex. My one and only girlfriend was in the 7th grade, we weren't serious it was more a mutual discovery of new pleasures. I upset her one day, and she decided to tell a teacher of my explorations. Of course being a fairly conservitive school there was but one possible action that could result, so at the tender age of 13 I found myself being taken out of class to be talk to by a police officer about molesting a young girl. The matter soon resolved it self with the girl appolgizing to me and I forgave her since I was not trumatized by the event other then a minor paralyzing fear of ever touching another girl which remains to this day. When I next worked up the courage to try at this crazy thing called love again, a few years had passed and I was employed by the local cinema to serve popcorn. I finally worked up the nerve to ask this coworker out who had always been very kind to me and who I thought might be intrested in checking for any chemistry we might be able to create. Her response to my fairly typical offer of coffee, was to inform me that not two days prior she had gotten engaged. A couple years latter I ment a lovely girl at school, whose equal I have yet to find. With the help of a difficult assignment, we soon became friends. I soon fell for her and thought she had possibly considered the same for me. We got to gether on my birthday for a fairly ordinary meal, during which time she told me breaking up with her last boyfriend. My heart swelled, my hopes soared, and for a brief moment I truely believed in the christian god. Alas, like Icarus who crashed back down to earth, so did I with the next sentence. "And then I started talking with so and so..." My percieved oppertunity gone before I even knew it was there.I tried to put my feelings behind me at that point so I went tried for yet another coworker, this time at a differnt company. We had a couple nice lunches together when she decided to introduce me to her boyfriend. Don't get me wrong she thought we could make a great couple, her and me, but also him and me. I thanked every god I could think of that no one in the shop ever heard about that one. This is the first time I have metioned it, and then only to help show the prespective I am blessed with. Deciding to take my chances I went back to the friend from shcool and confessed my feelings. In a moment of confusion on her part I was given a bit of hope, only to have it squased the next day. In the not to distant past I had worked up the nerve to yet again ask a coworker, yes I know that is a poor place to select but at the time my social circle consisted work and home so my choices were limited. Her reaction was to laugh at my joke, only to realize in horror that I wasn't kidding. While it might not seem that bad to you dear reader, I can say with certainty that it ranks at #3 of things I wish never to experince again. Which brings us to the most recent event. I met her through a group I was briefly involed with. We got to gether several times, coffee, a movie, and once at her home. It was on the couch in her den that the offer of a causal fun came up, to be honest my first reaction was to say no. I liked her as a friend, but I had some problems with our age difference. I spent several days going back and forth in my mind about the offer. I was counciled by friends, and that brings us back to the start of this rather long winded journal.
So there you have it my romantic history, one girlfriend who scarred me, and failier after failier. For nine years my luck has held, and the results are the same. So why tell you all this? I am mearly human, no matter how much I think otherwise, and I need to hear from time to time simple words of encourgment. While I expect none to be forthcoming, I hope for them all the same. Should you recognize a part of yours in my humble story, please know I bear you no ill will. I do anything I can for my friends, but when it comes to mine own life it appears I need some assistance of my own. |
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| Long Weekend |
[Aug. 23rd, 2004|09:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jem | ] |
I went up to Wisconsin Dells this week end for my buddy's bacholer party. The bride to be was having her party there too. It was really fun. We rented a couple suites and her parents payed for most of the liquer. All of the grooms's friends (myself included) were able to show that we knew how to drink without making asses of ourselfs. I cheated by not having more then a couple beers. I remember my history so I don't repeat it. ;D
The bride's family who was there also didn't do quite as well. Her two brothers were drunk by the time I got there, and her cousin who happened to be a bit under the drinking age finshed off 5 Mike's Leonades within an two hours of my showing up, plus however many she had before I got there. Needless to say she provided most of the evening's entertainment. Including a nice little show when she was trying to find her pants in our room at about 3 o'clock in the morning. I was amazed she was still consience. The next morning as everyone awakened in varrious states of hangovers, my buddies and I decided to have some fun on the younguns that showed how much they need to learn about drinking.
We started by just sitting around the table drinking coffee and juice greeting each one to regain consience. We were quite pleased by the disgutted looks we got from those would have given anything for a bottle of asprin. After that we kindly offered each one a chance to join down at the breakfast buffet for some food. All those eggs and greesy bacon, the biscuts and chunky gravey. I know its wrong but there is something very satisfying about tormenting underage drinkers the next morning.
We spent the first part of the afternoon playing some mini golf, I lost by freakin stroke (damn windmill). We hit a icecream place then some indian tourist shop, where we waited for a half hour for Mike to buy his wife some mocasines to make up for leaving her with the kids al weekend. There were a lot of whipped jokes during this time.
The wedding is this Saturday, it should be a lot of fun. I'm goin stag for it even though my friend Jenny offered to go with me. I'm kind of confuused when it comes to her, ok I'm confussed when it comes to any girl that wiling talks to me but thats a differnt issue. She has made it very obvious that she would like to be more then friends, but I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. I now understand the other side of past events with alot more clarity. I should have stopped her advances when they first started, but I let it go to far. Now I feel absolutly shitty when I told her that. I do care for her like I care for all my friends, but I don't know if I'm being reasonable or shallow with why I don't want to take it any further. The thing I'm getting hung up on is the age differnce. She is 14 years older then me. She doesn't seem like it, either in looks or personality, but I just can't seem to get past it. All I can think about is that how my family would react when they found out. I know a most of my cousins probably wouldn't care, but my mother, my aunt and uncle, and probably my brother, wouldn't be very accepting. These are the people I respect the most and whose opinion has more weight with me then even my own. I know they would be very friendly around her, but privatly they wouldn't approve. I allowed it to happen, I even instigated some of it, and now I just feel like an asshole male. |
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| Review |
[Aug. 13th, 2004|09:22 pm] |
I just saw Alien vs. Predator.
It is a pretty good action flick, it doesn't try to capture the suppense of the good Alien movies, but very enjoyable for what it is. Almost all the gore comes from either Alien or Predator bodies, absolute minimum on human gore. I;m guessing that was intential to get the PG-13 rating. If anyone has seen the Hunter's Planet Trilogy or Graphic novel, then the plot we seem very familiar. It is one of those rare movies that stay extreamly close to plot of the book. The fights were pretty cool to watch, they showed the Predator's physical prowless a hell of lot better then in the previous movies. All I can say is, if Arnold had to fight 2nd Pred from this movie it would have ended a bit differently. My over all recomendation is that if you are a big fan of the Predator movies, you'll probably love this one. If your a big fan of the "true" Alien movies, 1 and 2, then you would be better off renting this since this is more like Alien Resurection. |
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| the ass strikes again |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|10:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
The bastard did it agian, but this time he striking through my mother. Its bad enough for her that the good son forgot her birthday yet again, but to put her in a room with 150 other people compeating for the same job... I have come to the conclusion that life is punishment, and people are here becasue they screwed up in the previous, whatever. If I had just remembered her birthday, gotten her a card or even just told her that I loved her this morning she would have been able to deal with this a lot better. I wish the ass would just strike at me directly. If this keeps up, I'm going to kill myself just so I can get up there and give him the ass kicking he so richly deserves. If you think I'm kidding then you don't know what a pissed off Irishman can do |
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| Finally have to do it |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|02:01 pm] |
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The escort is on its last leg, that means I have to get a new car. I get to go car shopping with my mother, how fun will that be? oh well, at least I should beable to afford it so that is a big plus. |
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| weekend update |
[Jul. 26th, 2004|12:00 am] |
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busy weekend, things at work are a bit iffy. My brother is being transfered from NY to TX is driving down there, but doesn't want to stop and visit. I got offered a psuedo leadership spot on server I'm involed in. My dog decided to add yet another rabbit to her list of acomplisments, and the girl at work who thought I was kidding when I ask her out, is just starting to talk to me again. Still awkward as hell. The chineses definitly had the whole curse concept right. |
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| uh oh |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|02:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | distressed | ] |
So I go and grab a bag of chips and a can of pop form the lunch room. No big deal. I'm walking back to my desk when the plant manager calls me into her office. She casually mentions that our senior pressman, and the head of the folding dept both got canned. Shitty for them, would be my normal response.That and why are yo telling me since I don't deal with either of those two. Unfortunetly I could guess why she was telling me, I had just asked this woman for a raise not to long ago. While she agreed that I should get a raise, she told me that whe would get to me by the end of this week on what it would be. I may not have a whole lot of commong sense, but even I canguess at this one. I will come in friday morning, they will ask me for my key card, and then tell me to go home. YEA!!! Three day weekend. God doesn't like me happy. I was happy for two weeks straight after the reunion, and I had a couple other things going decent for me. I should have known better. God looked away for a moment, and I enjoyed myself. Now hes looking back and I guess it feels the need to remind me that it doesn't want me to be happy.
When do I get to take my soul and go home, I'm geting tired of this game. |
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| Work in Genral sucks |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|06:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Guess what I had to do at work today?
Give up, I had to call my buddies and cancel my plans because the manage thought I should work an 11 hour shift. YEA ME!
I was so angery that my boss took one look at me and said he come back later. I guess I was letting my temper show a little. I got so mad today that I went into the manager's office and "requested a raise. My key selling point was how much I'm making now compared to what I was making when I started washing floors here. She told me she would look into it and would talk to me saturday. What the fuck, I had saturday off, until that moment anyway. Fine let her do here little power games, if I don't get my money, I've got a business card with a position that will pay me more starting. The down side is that I will be back in the warehouse, so I really hope it doesn't come to that.
Hey willow could you give me a call, if you don't mind me bitching and moaning to you that is ;) |
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